What would you rather happen?

The Premier League have released a book, sort of in the style of "Choose your own Adventure"
Below is an extract:

It's a hot sunny day in August, opening day of the season. Your team are at home to last year's champions and with 60 mins gone are 1-0 down. You pick the ball up in your own half and are steaming down the wing. Suddenly you notice their left back is coming towards you with a look of menace across his face.But what will he do? Only you can decide.

Does he:

a) fly in two footed and accidentally break your leg

b) bite you

c) fly in two footed and break your leg then admit two years later in a book that he meant to hurt you

d) forget to tackle you and go shopping instead

e) racially abuse you but make out later he was just being friendly

f) start waving an air rifle around and accidentally shoot you

g) wag his arse at you in a suggestive manner to imply you are gay and that being gay is something to be ridiculed

h) jump past you and land on a member of the crowd who verbally abused him

or

i) make his excuses and leave, only to go back to your house and shag your wife or girlfriend

The choice is yours.......